Slow realization
by heyxjudee
Summary: My realization was not a quick one. It came slowly, in bits and pieces. It was the little things that eventually grew so large that it hung like a shadow over my head. He did not love me. At least, not like I wanted him to. Maybe life has something different in mind.
1. Chapter 1

My realization was not a quick one.

It came slowly, in bits and pieces. It was the little things that eventually grew so large that it hung like a shadow over my head. The tone he used when he spoke of her. The moments we walked through the village and he looked as though he was looking for something. The constant concern over her and her troubled heart. The final moment that tumbled the house of cards I had created was a look. The expression in his eyes that spoke of never ending devotion and a yearning while she cried for her traveling love that she feared would never return. I had waited what felt like my whole life for that look to be directed at me, and yet that look was for her. Sakura. Everyone assured me that Naruto's feelings for her had transformed into a platonic love. No one had seen what my all seeing eyes had.

I felt the pain almost instantly. I had to close my eyes and look away, for I knew once I opened my eyes again that my world would never been seen the same again. I pooled my courage and quietly excused myself. They never broke eye contact with each other as I stood. They continued on in a kind of communication that after almost a year and a half I still could not even attempt to replicate. On my walk back to our home I stared blankly ahead wondering how my eyes and my heart could so easily be fooled. After our first kiss beneath the full moon, I thought my fairytale was beginning. We were together from the moment we landed on the grass and had rarely separated since. The touches and the kisses had touched my heart and soothed the pains I had carried for so long. I had finally gotten the love I had so deeply wished for from him but it was a more shallow love than I had hoped. I thought that he would grow to love me more deeply and earnestly over time. Yet that point never came no matter what I attempted to do.

After I let myself into our home I looked around I could no longer ignore the realization of my shattered heart. I poured myself some tea in hopes that it would remind me of better, stronger, days. But I could not bring myself to drink it. I stared into the steaming cup hoping against hope that I could return to this morning before a look had burned my life plans to cinders. All I could see in the reflection was the pink tinge around my blank eyes, that spoke of unbearable sorrow that I could barely contain. My plan for a life with Naruto and a family to call my own was slipping away as quickly as my tears wished to run down my face.

A knock at the door pulled my attention from my grief. As I slowly peeked through the door I saw a head full of dark hair overlaying a black wrap. I make eye contact with his single visible obsidian eye. I pulled the door the rest of the way and stepped out to greet him. He looked confused at encountering someone other than the owner of the apartment.

"Hello Uchiha-san. I did not know that you would be returning today. Welcome home." I said as genuinely as I could in my state. His gave a slight upturn of his lips in reply.

"Thank you. My business brought me close to the village so I figured I would stop by. Does Naruto still live here?" He drowned out in monotone.

"Yes, but he is currently with Sakara-san at Ichiraku's... if you are in need of him." I managed to say in what I hoped was a controlled voice. I had been told that he had grown a lot in his travels but I still did not think that he was one to listen to tearful women. He stood up straighter, gave a nod, and started to turn away. He paused and seemed to dig into himself for a moment.

"Is everything alright?" It had sounded oddly like he was concerned but in a mildly standoffish way. I opened my mouth to deny that anything might be wrong but I looked into his face. A look appeared that I couldn't recognize. It spoke to something inside me. It made me feel as if by telling him, that it might settle my heart that was slowly turning to ruin as the minutes passed by. My hesitation must have been enough of an answer because he turned to fully face me.

"Would you happen to have any tea? I'm rather thirty." he asked.

"Oh, of course. Won't you please come in." I bowed my head and gestured for him to move inside. He nodded gratefully and stepped through the threshold.

"Please take a seat while I get you some tea. Would you like something to eat as well?" I slid gracefully into the mode of hostess. Distraction had always helped ease my troubles.

"No. I'm fine. Just tea." He never was a man of many words. I nodded as I set about to prepare the tea.

There was a comfortable silence as I set his cup in front of him and seated myself across the table with my own cup. He took a few sips while taking in the sight of the apartment. When he finished his perusal, he turned to look at me.

"What's troubling you?" He ask empathetically. Or rather what I took as empathetic. I took a moment to gather my thoughts before I replied.

"I'm not sure how much you know about Naruto and I. We started dating after I was kidnapped by Toneri and we've been together almost every day since. Things were going so great that almost 6 months ago Naruto asked me to move in with him. I thought we were in love but today…" I took a deep shaky breath. I wanted to keep it simple but the word flew from my mouth as I stared at my cup. " Have you ever loved someone so much, only to have them love someone else more? I have tried everything in my power to make him love me, truly love me, and he still looks at Sakara as if she is his guiding light. I felt that something was missing from us. I felt it and yet I ignored it. All the small things that as I sit here and I look back at moments that I should have seen what it was. I am just not who he wants, I'm who he's settled for. I've loved him my whole life and now I feel like I have wasted it because even now my love is not enough for the both of us. The look in his eyes when she was crying was a look he has never given me. It was a look of love I can scarcely find the words for. To know that after this long of us being together I'm not his first choice hurts so deeply. I just wish I could go back to pretending that I had never seen it so that I never had to feel like this because I honestly have no idea what to do now."


	2. Chapter 2

I shyly lifted my eyes to see a look of understanding across his face. I blushed from having spoken so much and so honestly to a man I had barely spoken to in my entire life. Though maybe that was why I found it easier to release all of my thoughts.

He seemed to be thinking over my words. "When I last spoke to him, he told me that he had moved on from his infatuation with her. Though to be honest it sounded more like he said it to convince himself, rather than inform me. He seemed to be moving aside for what he thought was my chance with Sakura." He gave a slight huff. "Naruto told me a little bit about you but that must have been at the beginning of your relationship."

"What did he tell you about me?" I didn't wish to drag myself further into the abyss but I had wanted to know if he had truly been interested in me at all. My fingers twitched and began to circled the rim of my cup . Old habits die hard.

"Naruto had said that you were a kind, gentle, and loving woman. He said that you had been a very close friend but that he had not realized the depth of your love. Not until he saw his memories replayed through the genjutsu bubbles he had encountered during the Toneri incident." His expression was rather bland until his mention of the genjutsu bubbles at which point it moved to a slightly disgusted one.

"As someone who knows him best...Do you think he was truly interested in me prior to the bubbles?" As serious as my question was it was impossible to keep the small smirk from my face at the mention.

He cringed a little. "I honestly couldn't tell you. He had mentioned you before but in no greater way than anyone else. Though I have always had a hard time following his stories, as he tends to try to spar with me half way through any conversation. But to be truthful, in my experience, almost any epiphany from a genjutsu should always be heeded with caution."

He had truly settled for me instead. My love was attainable...Sakura's was not. I had gotten so caught up in the joy of finally, finally, having him respond to my confession that I allowed myself to overlook all the signs. Signs that if I had actually looked at, would have screamed that all was not right in my paradise. I should have realized how sudden his feelings had changed for me. I had always been a close comrade to him but he hadn't shown any sign of wanting me in a romantic way.

"Though..." He continued."I can be almost certain that he loves you now. I can't imagine that he would be with you for so long, going so far as to move in together, if he didn't have genuine affection for you. He has always been oblivious but never out right vicious. To lead you on in the way it sounds like you believe is something I doubt he even has the capacity to do"

I sighed deeply and the tears burned my eyes as I refused to let them fall. "I don't feel as though it was all a lie...I just feel as though Naruto grew to love me because he couldn't have Sakura. Coming from my family and living the life that I have, I had hoped that for once I would be enough. All I have ever wanted was to be good enough. To finally be someone's first choice. To be his first choice. After all this time, after all the things I have been through, I just can't be a consolation prize. I don't doubt that in some way he loves me. It just breaks me heart to know that even now I am still second best. I abandoned everything else my life could be for him and now I am left with nothing."

The tears finally broke through my hold and coursed down my cheeks. The pain and shame was clearly written on my face. I had fought and struggled my whole life to gain recognition and love. Never having made it until Naruto acknowledged me. I had given up my right to be the heir of the Hyuga. As well as my place in the household when I moved in with Naruto before being married. Hero of the shinobi world he may be, but he was not above our customs. My father and I had greatly improved our relationship but even he could not change the decisions of our elders. Not on something so ingrained in our traditions. I hadn't even hesitated when I was told of their decision. I was sure that while Naruto had not proposed then that he would eventually. I had been willing to wait. I had always been willing to wait.

I had thought that all of it had been worth it to reach this end. The end with him. The life I had wanted; but I had never wanted this. The false life I had built had turned into a cage that threatened to suffocate me alive with soul crushing lies. Neji had not sacrificed himself for my life to turn into this. I didn't believe I deserved better, but he had. He had wished for nothing more than a happy life for me. I couldn't truly be happy knowing that I was not loved as completely as I loved. I could not dishonor his memory so callously by continuing to live with my eyes blind to the things I did not wish to see. Not with my all seeing eyes he himself was so proud of. I would not be a caged bird any longer. I looked to Sasuke's face through blurry eyes.

"What would you do?" My entire being pleading with him to tell me what to do. Where to go from here. He had been through so much more than a simple heart break. Even in my utter grief I could acknowledge that there were a million other fates far worse than mine. Sasuke's was one of them. He had suffered more than anyone I had ever known. Surely he would know. With all his powers and all his traveling he must have an answer. He looked away.

"I am probably not the best person to ask. I either ran or tried to cause as much chaos as I could in my grief." The shame laced every word. With a sigh he looked back at me. "You should speak to Naruto first and if it does not go the way you wish you can always end things and go back home."

"I have no other home to return to…" I gripped my cup so hard I thought it would crack under the pressure.

"I'm sure that's not true." He replied sympathetically.

"I lost all but my name when I chose to leave the main house. I may visit but I am not welcome to stay because Hyuga customs dictate that I am no longer chaste. As I resided with a man who was not kin. No matter whether or not I stayed pure, I knew I couldn't return. That was the agreement I had to make to be able to stay here with him. I was lucky I was not branded before being sent on my way."

Even with all the emotional turmoil I still managed a blush. The elders would not believe I was still untouched, not after so long. I honestly wouldn't have been if it had been up to me. I had figured in for a mon, in for a ryo. Naruto was the one who had wished to wait for anything beyond kissing or cuddling. It had hurt my ego but as with everything else I had decided to wait until such a time as he was ready. That had also been one of the moments that I had been ignoring. I held no true grudge because for an act such as that, it would have been wrong to push him into it. Though his refusal had confused me. He had spoken to me about it, he had asked, I had agreed. As I ran my fingers down his chest, I got no farther than his belly button before he grabbed my hand and stopped me. We had tried a few times but when faced with the moment of anything beyond basic intimacy, he'd stop and find a reason to leave. I had told him he needn't push himself for my sake but he said he truly wished to, yet we never did.

Sasuke's expression darkened and his tone cooled. " That is ridiculous. If you are old enough to go to war you are old enough to have sex. You are a woman in your own right, they should have no say over what you do with your own body."

His bluntness made my blush spread down to my toes. "While I agree, it is simply the way of the Hyuga." I managed to stammer out.

"I find it to be foolish but coming from a prideful family as well I can, to a certain extent, understand the need to follow tradition." His demeanor slightly eased.

I nodded. I had not escaped the archaic ways of the Hyuga and I had lost the position I would have needed to change them. Though it was comforting to speak to someone beyond my own family who understood the way of a clan. Naruto had tried but due to his unfortunate circumstances he would never truly grasp the need put the clan first and honor traditions even though you wished that you didn't. Very few truly understood but Sasuke did. Even losing his family so young, it was still ingrained in him. The pride of the clan is what drove him to avenge his family in the first place. Ancient clans such as ours had always demanded blood for blood.

"So you see now why I can't just go home? I lost my home, my family, and my love. I doubt that speaking to Naruto would change anything. I saw all I had been denying in the look that he gave her. I finally opened my eyes and I've seen much more. I can't close my eyes to the truth again." I dropped my head to hide behind my bangs. "I don't trust my ability to not be swayed by his words. I'm sure he will smile and push it off as just me misunderstanding...as he has before. I believe him even when I know in my head that I shouldn't. I believe him because it's easier than facing the truth." I whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

I wished that I could trust myself but my history had taught me that I was very easily swept away in the face of someone I trusted. I found it hard to doubt them and easy to doubt myself. In the face of Naruto nothing was anything other than exactly as he said it was. We had never fought. I had thought that we had never needed to. He was my inspiration and he could do no wrong. Even swimming in my sorrow, my heart still doubted what I had seen. My heart urged me to forget and go on with my perfect life. My head knew that I couldn't.

"Then speak to him and use your head. If your eyes are really open, then his words won't convince you that you misunderstood. If you are sure of what you saw then you should speak to him. I understand that you don't think it will change anything, and you may be right. But then again, you may be wrong." How do you usually talk out your disagreements?"

"...We don't disagree...We never really have. I say I dislike something, and he says that it isn't like that. I love him so there has been no reason to fight." I shrugged

"If there isn't any fighting than that means someone is giving to much. You can't have a relationship without tension at least some of the time. You are two separate people with two separate minds, you can't always agree."

"Naruto is always so sure and I'm just...not. I never wanted my insecurities to come between us. Though now I feel as if it didn't make any difference because something has always been between us." I sniffled and grasped my cold cup of tea tightly again.

For the first time since coming into the apartment he moved to lean forward. He reached out with his lone hand and laid his gently over my own that had been splayed out on the table. It was a simple touch of comfort and understanding. A gesture I had not expected from what I knew of the usually stoic man.

"You have shut your eyes to far too many truths it seems. You are strong. I can feel the strength of your chakra and I can see your strength in your eyes. Your history is what causes your doubts. Yet you have lived through many things, that had you been as weak as you think yourself to be, you would not have survived. The truth is that you are far stronger than you believe yourself to be. This situation you find yourself in is not due to your perceived weakness. If it is as you say, then it is Naruto's failing not yours."

His sincerity had shocked me. His faith made me want to believe him. I had heard many times of how strong my friends and family had thought I was but there was alway an inkling of disbelief in my mind. Everyone had always treated me as though I was fragile and their reasurances had felt like efforts to coddle me. But If Sasuke, the possessor of two if the great dojutsu, could see strength in me then it had to be there. Of all the things I had ever heard or known of him the few things anyone could agree on was that he did not speak to fill silence and he did not lie when he did.

He gave a minute cough and he slowly pulled his hand back beneath his cloak as he readjusted in his seat. I missed the contact immediately. It had been a long time since I had received a kind gesture with nothing but compassion at a moment of weakness. Even Kiba and Shino, as amazing as they were, still gave me pitying glances during the harder moments in my life.

"So if you can't go back to the Hyuga and it seems as if you don't want to stay here, what do you intend to do?" Sasuke asked.

The decision had come quickly but it didn't feel rushed. "I know I can't stay with him anymore. I think...I need to leave. At least for a little while. Not to run away but to take time to find something in myself that is not wrapped up in Naruto's influence. I don't know who I am without him and I can barely remember a time before he became my everything. I need to find who I actually am underneath the weight of everything that I had wished I was." It felt as though that was the answer I had held within me from the moment I realized that this life wasn't really mine to have.

Sasuke seemed to digest my answer. He seemed to study my face before replying. "Leave and go where? Somewhere else in the village or somewhere beyond it?"

"Somewhere beyond the village. It has been a long time since I have ventured outside the Land of Fire. Maybe I could go to the Land of Wind. I have not been Suna since before the war. I have wanted to go visit for a long time but have never gotten a chance." I sat up straighter. My heart still hurt tremendously but the idea of a change of scenery had begun to lift my spirit.

"Then Suna sounds like a good place for you to start. As long as you don't plan to stay away too long." He quickly flashed a momentary up turn of his lips.

"I'll just have to pack and make sure that the Hokage will allow me to travel by myself. They are all still very cautious about sending lone Hyugas out past the Land of Fire borders." I began to figure out all of the things I would need to get to prepare to make the journey. My spirit just kept lifting. Until Sasuke spoke.

"Are you going to speak to Naruto before or after you go see Kakashi?"

I froze. "I...I'm not sure…maybe a letter would be better?"

"From personal experience, I would suggest that you do in person if you want any peace. He will follow you through all the nations if you don't give him warning. Trust me." He informed me blandly.

I couldn't help but give a small but genuine laugh. His delivery made it that much more amusing.

The truth in his words scared me but they couldn't be denied. Naruto hadn't known of my realization and so would be confused about my abrupt departure. He chased Sasuke for years. I didn't wish for that to be repeated with me. My amusement left as soon as it came.

"I guess I will have to speak with him. There isn't much good in leaving if he's just going to follow me." I didn't wish to but I had no other options. "I think I will speak to Naruto after I see the Hokage. I want to make sure that I am even able to go, and this way I wont try to rethink my decision if he tries to convince me to stay." The pain began to return at the thought of having to confront Naruto.

"Would you like to go now? I have some business with Kakashi anyway." He offered obligingly.

I once again pooled my courage and nodded. " Yes. I think I do."

"Very well then. Take my hand." He stood towering over me and offered his hand. I shyly reached out and grasped it. I realized how small my hand was held within his as he cautiously closed his fingers to complete the connection. I felt miniscule next to the power that I could now feel radiating from him. Feeling stronger than I had ever remembered feeling, with my hand still in his, I finally had to ask.

"Why are you doing this? It means so much that you would care and listen to me but you barely know me."

He flicked his eyes up from looking at our conjoined hands to meet mine. I saw the first flash of his rinnegan that had previously been hidden beneath his bangs. His eyes softened.

"You are a comrade and after this I believe we are now friends as well. I also know more about you than you probably think." He gave an innocent teasing grin. With that he tightened his grip and transported us both to the Hokage tower.


	4. Chapter 4

To say the sudden shift had been disorienting would be an understatement. I had traveled by way of the body flicker technique but I had never experienced a true transportation. In less than a breath we had gone from my kitchen table to the doors of the Hokage office. I quickly pulled my hand from Sasuke's and grabbed at my stomach that lurched dangerously. With a few deep breaths I came back to center.

Sasuke was still wearing his small teasing grin. "First time I'm guessing?"

I gave him a grimace with no true malice. "Yes actually. A warning might have been nice..."

A twitch of his lips and an almost imperceptible shake of his shoulders were the only giveaway of his amusement. He reached out to open the door. I shot my hand out to stop him.

"We should knock. The Hokage may be busy." I said nervously.

He gave me a look, rolled his eyes and replied. " It's just Kakashi. I'm sure he's just sitting at his desk reading his smut."

He slid his hand from my grip and opened the door. Not sure whether to be amused or mortified; we indeed found Kakashi exactly as Sasuke had said. With his feet propped up on his desk and smut in hand, he looked up with a head tilt. The Hokage didn't seem to be surprised by either Sasuke's presence or his rude entrance. He slowly put his feet down and leaned on his desk. With his mask in place it was hard to be sure but it looked as though he was smiling.

Placing his book gingerly on his desk he spoke. "Ah, Hello you two. To what do I owe the pleasure of your joyful company on this beautiful day in Konoha?" He sent a teasing look to Sasuke when he said the word joyful.

Sasuke stood up straighter, completely ignoring Kakashi's teasing. "I came to discuss the progress of my mission. Though that can wait until later. Hinata has also come to speak with you."

He looked down at me. I hadn't realized quite how much taller he had become until that moment. At almost a head and a half taller than myself, I felt like I was still a child in comparison. I could remember a time when we were both young and we were almost the same height. I got caught up contemplating my shortness until a small cough caught my attention. My face flushed as I turned to look at Kakashi, embarrassed at my rudeness

I dropped my head and bowed quickly."My apologies Lord Sixth." Kakashi did not look at all offended. I pulled myself up to my full and unfortunately unimpressive height. I wanted him to understand I was serious in my request. "I wish to take leave for travel to Suna."

Kakashi seemed slightly shocked but recovered almost immediately. "I don't see why not. Though I have to ask, how long do you and Naruto plan to be gone?"

Pulling into myself I replied. "Naruto will not be traveling with me. I wish to take a personal trip on my own."

"Oh. That does complicate things a bit." He began hesitantly, then sighed. "Unfortunately the elders of the village and of the Hyuga clan have requested that no one who bares the byakugan travel alone beyond the walls of the Leaf. They have requested this with good reason and I can't say I disagree considering all the things that have happened in the last few years. I don't believe that they would allow you to travel all the way to the Sand unaccompanied."

I deflated under his words. I had thought it might be difficult. I wanted to just apologize for wasting his time but I had finally made a decision for myself, just myself. I refused to falter because I got a lightly worded refusal. I would not take no for an answer, not this time.

"Lord Sixth, I understand your hesitance but I believe I am capable of making the journey alone. We are in times of peace. I see no reason for a chaperone."My reply did not come out as strong as I had hoped but I was proud that it had left my lips at all.

"We are in times of peace but there are still many who would wish to claim your dojutsu for themselves. I can not ignore the danger you would place yourself in and it wouldn't feel right to allow you to go knowing of such perils." Kakashi's tone sounded truly remorseful.

I stood steadfast."I understand and appreciate your concern but I am willing to take the risk even as large as the elders believe it to be."

Sasuke spoke and I jumped a little. I had honestly forgotten that he had still been standing in the room. "She is a strong jounin. She should be perfectly capable of such a journey alone."

I flinched.

Kakashi gave a quizzical head tilt. "Hinata is not a jounin, she is a chunin."

Sasuke lifted his one eye brow in a mocking manner. "I've seen her chakra. What her title of ninja ranking currently is irrelevant. I'd rank her among Anbu with her power. I stand by my previous assessment that she can make the journey. "

The shock coursed through my body. He had said that I was strong but I never imagined him thinking I was that strong.

"As true as that may be I cannot allow her to leave the village alone." He looked at me. "I am sorry but my decision is final." Kakashi's tone left no room for argument.

In as cocky a tone as i had ever heard, he responded. "Fine then, let me escort her. I am sure that I am qualified enough to get her to Suna and back, am I not?"

I turned sharply to face him.I could barely comprehend what had happened. He had just offered up an unknown amount of his time to 'babysit' me so I could leave to mend my heart. In the last few hours he had gone from an estranged acquaintance to what seemed like my biggest supporter. I was sure he had no intention of getting in the way of my plans, as he hadn't doubted my decisions. Maybe Sasuke did know more about me than I thought he did. It was odd how he simply understood me. He didn't flinch in the face of my tears nor try to coddle me in the face if my rants. He believed I was strong. It was as though I didn't need to prove anything to him. My word was enough. He really had gone from my comrade to my friend. I smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

"You are more than qualified but you have a mission to complete." Hesitancy laced Kakashi's tone.

"I am well aware. I can still continue my mission. I came to the village to update you as well as inform you that I need to go to the countries of Wind and Water because that is where my leads are pointing me. I will simply take Hinata to Suna, return when I conclude my investigation, and then head to Kiri. It will cause no problems." I had not known that he had needed to go to Sand himself. He hadn't mentioned anything regarding his mission beyond needing to report to Kakashi. Things were working out in my favor. If I required an escort I could think of no one stronger than Sasuke Uchiha and it it looked as though the Hokage agreed with him.

The Hokage gave a nod then looked at me."If that is the case then I can find no reason to not allow you to go. I will ask that if you wish to return home before Sasuke is finished that you send a hawk so I can find a suitable replacement to accompany you back. Beyond that you are free to to as you wish. You are as of this moment on leave. I will send a message to the Kazekage to expect you both."

"Thank you Lord Sixth." I gave a deep bow and turned to leave. I made it a few feet before Sasuke stopped me with a light touch to my shoulder.

"I will conclude with Kakashi soon. Find me when you conclude your business so that we can discuss our plans for departure." He gave me a in a softer voice. "Do not forget that you are strong."

"I will. Thank you" I responded just as quietly. As I walked into the hallway the door shut behind me. I hesitated at hearing Kakashi's voice.

"Can I ask what is going on between you and Hinata?"

"She is a friend and she is in need. I intend to help where I can." Was the last thing I heard as I hurried along. Sasuke's business was his own. Even as his words brought a smile to my face my heart plummeted. I knew I had to go home and speak to Naruto. As much as I didn't want to, I knew that I needed to. Sasuke was right that a letter would not be good enough. Not for this.

I made it home quickly even with my dawdling. Sensing Naruto's presence inside our apartment. I hesitated for a moment outside the door. I steeled myself and entered. He was sprawled out on the couch with his arm draped across this eyes. I had thought he was asleep until he spoke.

"Hey Hinata." He tiredly peeked out from under his arm."Where were you? You left so suddenly earlier."

"I...I wasn't feeling very well so I came ho-here." I corrected myself. This apartment was no longer home and to say that it was would be to lie. I didn't want to lie to myself anymore.

He sat up to give me his full attention. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes…" I stopped. I had lied enough for a lifetime; to myself and to others. The pain came rushing back full force and filled me. I pushed my fingertips together until I forcefully pulled my hands to my sides. Now was the time for truth. I clenched my fists. "No. No its not."

"Does it have something to do with Sasuke? I could sense his lingering chakra when I got home. I didn't know that he was coming back so soon. I thought I would get at least a hawk to let me know so I could meet him at the gate. That bastard! He's rude but harmless. I love him but I swear to the sage that he will never learn to be nice. If he did or said something to upset you then don't worry I'll beat him up and get him to apologize! He is such an ass-" He rambled.

I cut him off before he continued on his rant. "Oh no! Not at all. Sasuke was very agreeable. He came by to see you but then decided to go see Lord Sixth." It was the truth. I just happened to skip a few details that weren't relevant for this conversation.

"Oh. He really should have at least tried to go see Sakura before going to Kakashi. You heard how much she misses him. He really is an inconsiderate bastard." He calmed back down. Then focused his attention back on me. "Then what's wrong? I'm here to help with anything!" He gave an almost blinding smile.

Cringing at the mention of Sakura, I struggled to release the words. "I-I-I think we should...bre- break up."

He jumped from the couch with wide eyes. The shock rolled off him in waves. "Wha-What?"

His body seemed to freeze. His face began to crumble as he realized what I had said. I had to look away. I took a deep breath. I didn't want to cry before I finished what I had to say.

"I said..that I think that we should breakup." It came out easier the second time.

"Why?" He whimpered.

"I saw, really saw, the way you looked at Sakura when you were comforting her. The devotion and longing was plain to see. You love her. You love her in a way that I don't think you could ever come to love me." I whispered. My heart was beginning to flood with the pain I had pushed aside earlier. Tearing at the shoddy patchwork I had placed over the damage. The flood rose to my eyes but I refused to give it passage.

His mouth jerked then smoothed out into an almost patronizing grin "That's ridiculous! I do love her but not like that! She's my best friend and comrade that's all. We don't need to break up over Sakura. It's just Sakura." He laughed a little.

Had this been any time before I would have told him how he was right, that I was simply being silly, then I would of apologized. This time I was sure. I was strong. I would not be blinded again. Just because I wanted it to be true didn't mean that it was.

"I know what I saw. I know what I hear when you talk about her. You're always looking for her when we leave the apartment. You are always so worried about how she's doing. I know how a friend worries but I also know how someone in love worries. You love her like I love you. Fully and completely. That kind of love doesn't leave you room to love me like I deserve to be loved." My words were not loud but they rang out clearly through the room.

Anger began to rise to his features. His muscles started twitching yet he held himself still. "I don't love her like that! I love you! We've been so great together! She's just a friend whose going through a hard time right now. Why do you want to hurt me like this?"

"I don't want to hurt you. I never have but I can't ignore what I feel anymore. It has been amazing to feel loved by you. You just don't love me like I need to be. I can't continue to be second place in your heart. I won't. You have always been my inspiration but I need to be my own now." Speaking my thoughts out loud lifted some of the burden of my emotions but it also made them more real.

"You aren't second place in my heart! I love you! We can fix this!" He implored, reaching out to grab my arms.

"I don't think we can. You love her and I deserve more than that." I needed him to understand that this was over.

"No! You love me and I love you! We aren't over! We can't be! Everything's so perfect!" With tears beginning in his eyes, his grip tightened to a painful degree.

"Naruto!" I gasped. My face must have shown my pain because he immediately let go and backed away from me. He stared down at his hands as if they had just betrayed him.

"I-I am so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't realize I had grabbed you like that!" There was an edge of hysteria to his words. A few tears dropped from his lashes. He had never put his hands on me in any other way than gently before.

"It was an accident. I forgive you."One look at his shocked and pained face showed that it was truly an accident but I was now cautious in a way that I had never been before in his presence.

"I really am sorry. I got too emotional. I just don't want to lose you. I love you too much." The tear tracks lingered over his whisker marks.

"You aren't losing me. I will alway be your friend. We just can't be more than that. It hurts but it'll be alright." I said soothingly. We shared a quiet moment before he spoke.

"I love you. I can't love her. She loves Sasuke. She's with Sasuke." He whispered almost to himself. The sorrow was tangible. I knew then that letting go of him was the right choice. I couldn't hurt either of us anymore by holding onto our relationship.

"Saying you can't love her does not mean you don't love her. It simply means that you are trying to rationalize emotions and sometimes you just can't. Love doesn't work like that." Of all the things I had ever known, that was one absolute truth. The heart wants what the heart wants without rhyme or reason.


	6. Chapter 6

He began to fidgeted with agitation. "I might love her but I know I love you. I don't want to breakup. Please let me figure this out." He looked at me pleadingly.

"We need to. I need to." Tears brimmed my eyes. "I am leaving for a while. I need to get away and figure things out. I need to be Hinata, not Naruto's girlfriend. Maybe when I get back we can talk. I'm sorry."

"Take the time you need. I'll use it to figure things out but when you come back we need to talk. I still want us to be together. I'm not giving up on you or us!" I nodded because I didn't want to voice the full truth. I wouldn't be coming back until I stopped loving him or started loving myself more. A single tear dropped from my eye. I was sure that by the time I returned that he would have fully realized his love for Sakura and taken actions to secure hers in return. I stepped around him and into our room without looking back at him. I heard the front door open and close.

Then I was alone.

I set about sorting my things into piles of what I would take to Suna and what would be stored away until I found a place of my own. I cried over all my lost dreams as I moved about the apartment collecting my things. My eyes were once again blurry but my heart felt a little lighter. I needed to get out and breathe different air. Konoha for all its beauty and life felt stifling. Everything here was a reminder of the life I had wanted. Of the man I had wanted. I finished packing and stood in the doorway. I did not have as many things as I had thought. Looking back into the apartment I shed one final tear and closed the door on that dream for good.

After I finished I wandered around the village. I wasn't sure where to go. I didn't want to say goodbye too early to people who might want me to stay. I did not wish to see my family and Hanabi was out of the village with her team. Kurenai was so busy with her daughter that I didn't feel right bothering her. Kiba and Shino would want to know what had upset me and then try to assuage my problems by confronting Naruto. They would want me to stay in the village. I knew I would fold under their wishes at least until I had figured out my travel plans with Sasuke. I ventured out to the training grounds with the intent to work out some of my heavy emotions. When I found an unoccupied one, I approached the center of the field. I began to attack one of the dummies but my heart just wasn't in it. My emotions had been fluctuating wildly all day and at that moment it had just left me mentally exhausted. I didn't want to fight or cry anymore. I didn't want to feel anything. I dropped my arms and felt a twinge of pain around my biceps. With a sigh, I drug my body over to the closest tree and plopped down. Leaning against it, I shut my eyes, hoping to have it carry my burdens even for a few moments.

When I opened my eyes I saw an obsidian one staring back at me. Sasuke was crouched down in front of me with his hand on my shoulder.

"Fell asleep?" Sasuke asked with a raised brow and a tiny smirk. He brought his hand back to his side. He seemed so carefree. With no tension in his body he looked more like a man than the god everyone thought he was. Whatever I had been feeling before had melted away. His ease became my own. I should have been embarrassed to be found sleeping like that but I was found by Sasuke. He had seen worse things from me just earlier in the day so I felt no shame.

Realizing night had fallen I blushed a tiny bit."Yes. I swore I had just sat down. I was only going to close my eyes for a minute. It looks like it was much longer than a minute." I giggled then went rigid as my stomach release a large growl. With all the craziness that had happened during the day I had forgotten to eat. Looking to my lap quickly I paused when I heard Sasuke's own laugh. Even at my expense it still had a calming effect.

"Why don't we discuss our travel plans over dinner? Your pick."

I inclined my head and he stood offering his hand. I easily took it but as I pulled myself from the ground my arm twinged. I tried to ignore it but my face must have given the pain away. He pulled me to standing. Slipping his hand from mine he slid up my arm before I could react. I started to pull away as his hand skimmed over the affected area. I flinched as his eyes activated. His body went rigid as he pulled my sleeve up to see it in greater detail. It was a hand shaped bruise. I had not thought that Naruto had gripped me tight enough to leave a mark.

"Were you sparring today?" The relaxed aura that he had carried the moment before faded away.

"No but I'm alright. What did you want to eat?" I answered quickly, hoping that he would accept my change of topics.

"What happened?" He pinned me with a look that, while not unkind, demanded that I answer truthfully.

I wavered under his stare. "It's alright. It was an accident. Naruto and I were talking-"

His flair of chakra stopped me mid sentence. It was only a slight slip of his control but it was enough to make me recoil against the sudden onslaught of power. I understood then the truth behind the rumors of his god like strength. When I had seen him fight in the war, he had been radiating chakra but he had since grown. I could feel that it had been but a drop in the bucket compared to this moment. It was like an ocean with its depths. His chakra was not evil but it carried a darkness with it that I had never felt before. The amount of control it would take to contain it all was beyond my imagination. I don't think even Naruto in his sixth path sage mode was as strong. Naruto had spent the years following the war doing peace visits and treaties. It hadn't left much time to train or engage in actual combat. His biggest fight since had been Toneri and his puppets. Though he was still leagues ahead of even the five Kages. Sasuke on the other hand had been traveling the world over stopping revolts of those who did not wish for peace. According to Naruto and Sakura, Sasuke had spent a lot of his time fighting and honing his new skills that were gifted by the Sage.

Realizing his slip he immediately reigned it back it. Locking it back beneath his ironclad will. His voice was rough. "Naruto hurt you?"

"He didn't mean to. We were talking and he grabbed my arms. I upset him and he accidentally gripped me harder than he thought he did. He was sincerely sorry. Once he realized what he had done he backed away from me and cried. He left soon after." I said in a tone that I had hoped would calm his agitation.

"Sorry or not, that is unacceptable. Naruto should be aware of his strength and not lose his temper so quickly. I had hoped that he would learn to calm down before he acted. It seems that is not the case." He vocalized in a clipped tone.

"I'm okay. I've had worse." With a shrug, I intended to move him past this. He calmed slightly.

Clicking his tongue, he made a one handed seal making his hand glow green. "I'm sure you have but that still does not make it right." Reaching out to run his hand over my one arm and then the other. "He should have at least had the decency to heal you before he ran off."

Astonishment must have lit my face because he have a slight chuckle. "Is it really that surprising that I learned to heal? I'm not very good, barely passable really, but after traveling alone so long I thought it might be good to know."

As he finished I looked down at where my bruise had been. There was no trace of it. He was better than barely passable.

"When you put it like that then no, it isn't all that surprising…" I looked into his deactivated eyes with a soft smile. "Thank you… and not just for the healing, I mean for everything. You have been kinder to me today that I have ever experienced. You really are an astonishing man."

"I'm glad I've been able to help you." If my eyes at had been any others, I would have miss the light specking of a blush across the bridge of his nose. How he kept his passive face while blushing was beyond my comprehension. "So about dinner...?"

"Barbecue?" I had thought it was a safe bet.

"That's alright with me. Shall we go now?" He tilted his head in the direction of the village and we leisurely set off.


	7. Chapter 7

We had made the trek in a comfortable silence that allowed me to view the village and its people undisturbed. People seemed to be ignorant of Sasuke's presence which was a pleasant change. Years before he had been treated with scorn as he passed through even though he had saved the world. Many did not understand his actions even after they learned the truth of the Uchiha massacre. They could not comprehend the level of injustices it would take to have someone turn against their own village and none of them ever tried. So they cast him away with derision.

He may have saved the world but his clan had tried to bring us all to ruin, they said.

The Uchiha would be the end of the world, they said.

They should have all died, they said.

It was not hate that burdened the villagers then it was fear. The elders that had ordered the massacre had feared the Uchiha's strength and now the world feared Sasuke. I had been saddened to hear people say such things. As I looked at him I could not see how anyone could ever really be afraid of him. He had been a lost, wounded, child left to his own devices. How they expected a better outcome than his desertion and eventual attack on the elders had always been a point I never understood. His reaction had been extreme but at its core, it was understandable. People in pain lash out and his pain had been beyond measure. Thankfully everyone had grown to give him a grudging respect, quiet contempt, or just plainly overlooked his presence. Which while not anywhere near good enough was better than it had been. Only his original team and a handful of others gave him the recognition he deserved.

A man so kind deserved more than the measly scraps of courtesy he had received. The thought saddened me greatly. I was pulled from my depressing thoughts by our arrival at our destination. Sasuke pulled the noren curtain aside so allow me to step in first. The time much have been later than I thought as there were only a few other patrons inside. Our order was taken just as quickly as we had been seating, leaving us alone again. We sat quietly for a few moments until he spoke.

"How was your afternoon?" He sounded as if he had wanted to ask something else but had instead went with something less invasive.

"It was alright, all things considered. I spoke to Naruto and packed up all of my things." I said quietly. I knew what he had actually wanted to ask so I continued. "Though I'm not sure that he fully grasped what I had meant when I said that we couldn't be together. After I told him it was because he loved Sakura…He asked me to give him time to figure it out and that he wanted to speak after I returned from Suna."

"He may not have but you are acting in your own interests now. You do not have to give him any more of your time than you wish to. Did he try to convince you that you were mistaken? "

"I know that I am but I just wanted him to understand. I had hoped that after all this time of being together that he would know how much courage it took for me to say something like that. For me to say it meant that it had to be real." I breathed out. "Yes he did but I stood my ground. It was hard but I did it. He just kept saying that I misunderstood and that he didn't love her like that. But after talking he seemed to come to the conclusion that he did in fact love her. He was just so sure that she loved you, that she was with you, that he couldn't possibly feel that way about her."

A proud expression painted his face."He never was the most aware of feelings though I am glad that you held fast and didn't allow him to change your mind." His expression faded toward vexed. "I'm not and have never been interested in returning her feelings. I appreciate her as a close friend but the way both Naruto and Sakura act as if I will miraculously come around is bothersome. I have never given either of them reason to believe that I felt more than friendship for her."

"Really? I had thought that you would be returning to her when you finished your journey. To revive the Uchiha-" With an eep, I tossed my hands over my mouth. My face had immediately turned crimson. I had gotten to comfortable and spoke without thinking.

Thankfully the server came and delivered our orders. I started to place the meat on the barbeque in front of me hoping to avoid eye contact while I fought my blush back down. I peeked up through me hair to see him. He was flabbergasted. With a twitch his face resettled into a droll grin.

"I have no idea where you heard that but I have no intentions on pink haired Uchiha."

I immediately pictured a small brooding version of Sasuke with pink hair. I couldn't stop the laughter that erupted from my mouth. Sasuke had a large amount of fan girls in his youth and I could picture a pink haired version of him running through the village. Dodging through alleyways and hiding in shops. Looking for a way to escape the ravenous pack of girls squealing about how cute his hair was. Then for that child to turn around in a fit of annoyance, punch the ground with his would be mothers monstrous strength, and collapse the marketplace. The stalking he had felt in his youth would have been nothing in comparison to the treatment that imaginary child would have had to deal with.

I honestly hadn't thought past what Naruto had told me Sasuke's intentions were so it had never occurred to me that there would be a good chance of pink haired children. Sasuke gave a chuckle himself before I gathered myself enough to apologize.

"I am so sorry. I'm not sure why that was so funny. It was very rude of me." I had to wipe a stray tear that escaped during my amusement.

"It's alright. I found it very funny as well the first time someone mentioned it. It seems no one thinks past the point of my triumphant return to the village and subsequent love confession for Sakura in their plans of my future." A note of satire in his voice.

We each picked some meat off the grill. "I think you're right." I added with a bit of teasing.

"It seems like everyone is just waiting for you to sweep her off her feet and carry her off into the sunset."

In the most monotone voice but with eyes alight with mirth, he replied. "I'm sure. Everything about me just screams prince charming."

I broke out in giggles again. "All you need is a white horse."

WIth another chuckle he replied as dryly as he could."I'll be sure to find one on my way back to dramatically propose."

I continued to chuckle a little, while we made our way through our meal. I had not known that Sasuke had a playful side. It was small and full of dry humor but it was there. I had hoped that he was becoming as comfortable with my presence as I was with his. He had kept my mind from the harder topics that had left fresh wounds. I wasn't sure when they wouldn't bleed when prodded but I was sure with Sasuke around they wouldn't ache forever. Having him journey with me to Suna started to sound better with every moment I spend with him. Finding myself was a hard goal but it seemed to be a slightly easier path with someone who already had faith in my success.

We ate in amiable silence, When we were both finished he began our reason for coming to dinner in the first place.

As he placed his chopsticks down he asked. "When did you wish to leave?"

"Truthfully, as soon as we are able. I want to be long gone by the time the rest of the village catches wind of what happened." I answered seriously. Lingering longer than necessary was not what I had wanted.

"We can leave tomorrow morning. That way you have some time to say goodbye to anyone you didn't get a change to today." He noted.

I smiled. "That sounds good. Thank you." We both stood and headed towards the exit.

"What time would you like to meet at the gate?"

I thought for a moment. "9 am should give me plenty of time to finish my business."

"Then I will meet you then. Good night." With a slight bow he was gone.

I stared after him for a minute and then realized I had nowhere to go until morning.


End file.
